So I have this little statistics package with my web hosting service that tells me, among many other things, what search strings people typed in that led them to my blog. Most of the are obvious - generally, my name or a broad tag like "politics" - but sometimes strings pop up that are completely ridiculous.

I took a few moments to compile a "Top 10" list of my favorite search strings from the past 6 months. To get the full effect, I think, you really need to imagine yourself in the searchers shoes. Imagine typing one of these bad boys in and winding up on my site!

10. "percisets": Okay, so this actually explains why a very old entry of mine on getting my wisdom teeth pulled is consistently one of the most visited pages on my blog. I have a feeling some auto-generating spam-y percription drug links page picked it up and linked here.

9. "actual images of ejaculating into mouth": One has to imagine, is this opposed to fake images of ejaculating into a mouth?

8. "gay sissy fags": I wonder what they were looking for...

7. "infamous boy scouts": Are the Boy Scouts really infamous? I had no idea!

6. "desperate housewives uncircumcised": I just like the way that sounds. It's of course referring to this entry about an episode of the TV show.

5. "tapping the glass with a spoon at a wedding": Can you imagine typing this in and winding up on my blog? Poor unfortunate souls! I would imagine this linked to this entry from 2005 about my cousin's wedding.

4. "i didn t get into grad school": Oh, ye web searcher, I feel for you!

3. "racial italian names": Um, what?

2. "videos gay bitch for master": As my dear friend Andre would say, "Hottsie, Tottsie!"

1. "gay men mince inside condoms for sexual pleasure": This is AMAZING! We mince inside condoms? Who knew! Mincing, for those unaware, means to walk daintily - and has tradionally been a derogatory phrase for femme fags. But the real question is: How do you mince inside a condom???