While visiting New York City this past weekend, I was reminded of the sometimes insidious culture of gay boys that gets produced via homophobia and sexism. I'm speaking here of the archetype known as the Gay Boy Bitch. You know who he is. His hip is cocked. His nose is up. And his opinions are generally sour. He was all around me in New York. I can spot him a mile away. I used to be him - and perhaps, from time to time, I still am.

When I say that the Gay Boy Bitch is produced under homophobia and sexism, I mean that channeling him for gay men is first and foremost a defense mechanism. Let me dissect the Bitch a bit to better explain. By conjuring his affect, gay men can accomplish a few things. First, we build a wall of impenetrability. That is, with noses upturned and with cutting wit, we can appear to be wholly unaffected by homophobia -- and more broadly any level of outside disapproval. By doing so, we accomplish something else as well. We put ourselves on a plain above the rest of the world - above the reproach of heteros. We make ourselves seem "better than" others. More savvy. More intelligent. More "with it."

The Gay Boy Bitch is always a sissy. Gay men who aren't sissies can channel the Bitch, but never quite as effectively. You see, the Gay Boy Bitch is produced experientially. Sure, we learn cues and such on television these days, but I learned how to conjure my Bitch in high school long before bitchy clones had become the new must-have accessory for any fashion-focused TV show. I don't mean to say that I was born a Bitch. On the contrary, the Bitch is a circumstantially learned defense mechanism for sissies and fags.

The Bitch is an age-old character. One might trace his lineage back to Quentin Crisp, whose memoir published in the 1970s, The Naked Civil Servant, outlines his use of the Bitch in the 1920s to navigate life as an outlandish sissy. But there were certainly Bitches before him, and obviously many more to follow. He is the bastard love child of homophobia and sexism. I dare to say that any culture that both demeans women and denigrates homosexuality will inevitably have a few Bitches running around.

But just because it's a totally legitimate response to our culture, doesn't mean channeling the Bitch is necessarily always productive. In fact, I think it is often quite counter-productive and antisocial. Yet, I think many of us have simply forgotten that the Bitch isn't who we are - but who we need to be in certain situations. In other words, we've forgotten where the "off" switch is. The Bitch is, after all, an important survival mechanism for sissies in many circumstances (e.g. high school). But is the Bitch really necessary when you get 12 sissies in a room? Of course not. But if you've ever seen 12 sissies in a room, you know what happens. The hips cock to a degree not seen before. The cutting wit bubbles over into a furious frenzy. A furious contest ensues to see who gets to be Queen Bitch.

This was the reflection of myself that I caught just a glimmer of when I was visiting New York City. Hanging out with a bunch of gay boys on Saturday night, I immediately conjured the Bitch and played my part. It's instinctual. I don't know how to *be* around a bunch of other sissy fags without being bitchy. Throughout the weekend, I caught myself thinking just terrible things about other people. "Honestly, what is she wearing?" Where did these thoughts come from? NYC brought out the Bitch in me - and I was totally uncomfortable with it.

How do we imagine a way of being as sissies that leaves the Bitch behind us - where it belongs? The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence in San Francisco have developed a different way of being that refuses to channel the Bitch (pictured at right is Sister Flora Goodthyme, Vice President of SF's chapter). The Sisters organized first in 1979 as a way to challenge the "Castro Clone" archetype that channeled a different kind of limiting way of being: uber-masculinity. With their habits and outrageous make-up, they wanted to shake things up a bit in San Fran. And they did.

Along the way - and probably facilitated through the AIDS Crisis -- they've developed a different way of being sissy than the Bitch. A kind of generous, caring, and loving way of doing femme - almost motherly, really. They haven't left the biting wit behind, but instead of aiming it at each other, they aim it our real enemies: homophobes and bigots. It's the kind of femme that is constructive. Through their efforts, hundreds of thousands of dollars have been raised for local organizations - and of course they've put a lot of smiles on faces along the way.

Can we learn from the Sisters? Can the Bitches out there find another way to be that's more productive? More caring? More loving? I certainly hope so. Because being a Bitch is exhausting. And, really, while it certainly builds a kind of camaraderie among sissies, it's hard to build real, meaningful friendships with other Bitches. It's hard to have any emotions, really, as a Bitch. I want more out of life, frankly!